I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
