you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
