pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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