farters have to be the big spoon...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
