College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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