Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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