i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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