6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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