Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
