ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
