We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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