Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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