no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
