Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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