you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
