I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize