chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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