She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
