I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
