had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
