I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
