the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
