Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
