i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm like, not good at living.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
