Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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