I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
