remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
