I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
