Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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