WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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