would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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