so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
try to milk me bitch
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
