you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
