You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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