Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
