i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
nutella sex= disaster
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
