He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
