she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
