I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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