I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
