Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
