we're blogging at a bar
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
