I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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