and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
PANTIES FOUND
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
