Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how drunk are you?
Several
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
