i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
