Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Shame - the story of my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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