You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
