i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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