The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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