I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
