listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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