How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
