I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
