My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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