i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
