why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
