If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
