I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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