She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
