Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
