did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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