I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
