Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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